I was fortunate to hear Jane Goodall speak recently. Yes, "that" Jane Goodall. And during her speech she referred to her beloved chimpanzees as "individuals" and she talked about the relationships we have with individuals. I realized that that was Little. He was never my "animal", "pet" or "companion". He was an individual. Merriam-Webster defines "individual", in part, as "existing as a distinct entity".
He was so tiny and so sick when he came to live with me in September 2014, and I was determined to take care of him and give him the very best life. Although truth be told, I don't think there is anywhere to go but up when you've started life in a dumpster. From the very first day he was my fur-baby and after four and a half very short years he was my best-fur-friend. But he was so much more than that. He was an individual. He was a loving and adored individual. He existed as a distinct entity. And my relationship with this individual has left a mark on my heart that I don't want to ever go away.
People, things, jobs - they're all some kind of relationship and they come and go in our lives and we are never truly the same at the end of a relationship as we were at the beginning. The change may be imperceptible but we are indeed changed. Sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. And we take those changes with us into the next relationship.
Little changed me. Little was my very best-fur-friend and it is that relationship and those feelings that I take with me now. I mourn Little's absence. My heart breaks every time I think about Little. My heart just hurts. I don't know how long it will be before it doesn't hurt. Maybe that never happens, I don't know. I still cannot believe that he is gone. He slept on the pillow with me every single night and on more than one occasion I have reached out in the night to pet his head only to realize he's not there. And he won't ever be there again.
I've always lived with a fur-baby, as far back as I can remember and I've suffered their losses, but never in the same way as Little. Little was special. Little was an individual. Little was my Little. My beautiful b.
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