When I think about Little I realize that I miss the little things that Little did.
I think if you're single the loss of a fur-baby is sometimes more difficult than if you're not. The social structure inside my home consists of me and my fur-babies. Not in the sad way that sentence suggests but because when I am home it is just me and my babies. They're the ones I talk to, argue with, watch tv, struggle to do homework around, and tuck into bed at night. Little wasn't even sick. He was perfectly healthy. Or so I thought. I was not prepared. I was not forewarned. And because Little passed away suddenly the whole of my home life has been drastically altered. And I miss the Little things.
Little let me carry him around. All the time. I would scoop him up, and he would settle in the crook of my arm with my front paws over my left shoulder. And he would stay there indefinitely. And when I said "show momma the love" he would rub his left cheek against mine. Every. Single. Time. Little loved his momma.
Little things include his fur on the bottom of the long dresses in my closet because he was always roaming around in there. I started to wear one yesterday and actually felt guilty when I used the roller tape to remove his fur. Ultimately I couldn't bring myself to do it - not yet. So I put the dress away; toward the back of the closet so maybe it'll be a while before it catches my eye and a while before I need to use the roller tape. I'm not ready. I know some may think I'm ridiculous but I am so desperate to preserve whatever little parts of Little that I still have.
Little things include the way he greeted when I came home from work. He knew the routine. I always go straight to the bedroom to take my watch off, put it on its charger and change my clothes. So he would head straight for the bedroom and hop onto the bed, waiting for me to scratch his head and pick him up.
I'll never do these Little things with him again. But I can remember. And I know that one day I will smile instead of crying. I'll get there. It's not today and it's not likely to be tomorrow but I will get there. In the meantime, I'll treasure the Little things and be glad he was here, if only for a brief moment.
Comments